Oh Happy Day

I am actually somewhat happy for once.  My brother V and his daughters A and B came to visit for a few days.  They live in Michigan and we only get to see them once a year.  I wish that my aunt in Michigan could have come and taken my grandmother back with her for a few weeks like she used to do, that way this family could actually spend their time together in peace.  I feel bad for my mom, A and B because they have to sleep in the same room as my grandmother.  I hope that she doesn’t start that frickin sleep talking, or if she does, that they are able to ignore it and get some sleep.  My brother will be sharing a room with me.

I am so glad that my grandmother went to her room at 8:00 to watch her Spanish soap operas and left us alone.  The way I feel about family is this.  I don’t appreciate outsiders.  I don’t even mean people who aren’t related to us. My brother has a few friends that he has known since he was a little kid and those friends are like family.  I guess what I mean by “outsiders” are people who don’t really fit into the family dynamic.  My grandmother is a very vain and selfish person.  She always has to be the center of attention.  It’s almost like dealing with a child, but even children learn that you need to stop being so selfish.

My mother and I were talking earlier.  My mother was worried because my grandmother “remembers things wrong”.  For instance, my mother will tell her some news that one of the neighbors let us know about her family.  My mother will of course tell my grandmother, because there is no reason not to.  My grandmother will then re-tell the story, with herself in the starring role.  She will be the one the neighbor confided in.  She will be the one who comforted our neighbor.  My mother will gently correct her, because she really believes that my grandmother has trouble remembering these things, and my grandmother will get angry and insist that she is the one the neighbor confided in.  I told my mother that this isn’t a new thing, and it isn’t my grandmother’s memory failing.  This is the unnatural need that my grandmother has to be the star of the show.  She has always been this way.  To her, her recollections of things are perfectly correct because she is the most important person in the world. Nobody listens to my grandmother because they know, from personal experience, that things probably happened very differently than from what my grandmother said.

My brother and nieces got here a little bit before 7:30.  First off my grandmother gets B in this crushing hug.  B is only six years old and she has hardly seen my grandmother so she is freaked out.  I asked her if I could have a hug and it was a very gentle hug, and she talks to me all the time on the phone and has seen me every year.  They hadn’t eaten dinner yet so my mother told them we still had plenty of food.  My brother went down to find a parking space, and A served herself some food.  B wanted to wait for her dad to eat.  My brother came upstairs after a few minutes and he and my mom were deciding what to serve B.  This isn’t a private conversation.  They are having this discussion right there in front of all of us.  My grandmother cuts in with “V?  V?!?!!?!!!!  Why don’t you make her eat something?”  Um.  What the f**k do you think they were just discussing?  Again, this is my grandmother’s unnatural need to have everyone’s attention focused on her, and for her to be the one to decide everyone else’s business.

I was telling my mother that this is the only time that I have been genuinely happy in I can’t even remember how long.  I am so enjoying spending time with my family as a family.  I would be happier if my grandmother was at my aunt’s house in Michigan so that we could really enjoy ourselves, but I’m getting off topic.  This is the type of family life that I want.  It is so refreshing not to feel angry and full of rage all of the time.  This makes me realize that I am actually a nice person.

I love my two nieces very much and I have already promised myself that if my grandmother even tries to dictate A’s life in any way that I will speak up.  I’ve kept silent in the face of her obnoxious behavior out of respect for my mother, because even though my mother knows what my grandmother is like, it still upsets her when my grandmother and I have our issues.  However, if she even tries to chastise A for something stupid or just in general, I will speak up.  She is not Lord and emperor of everyone else’s lives.  I will not allow her to make anyone else that I love unhappy.  My mother is an adult and she could put a stop to my grandmother’s behavior if she so chose, but if she starts her nonsense with children, that’s when I’m jumping in there.

My issues with my grandmother run deeper than stupid things like her closing the bathroom door or any other stupid things similar to that.  It is basically the way she is as a person, and how she treats other people, and it isn’t nice.